FORSAKEN

Image taken from the internet.

I can't fix my thoughts.
I'm  so confuse.
I've felt this emotion
so many times before.
I don't know what's really going on.

*
I cry a river
as  one of my ways to be relieved
I try to smile
even  if I'm hurting deep inside
I try to live
even if I feel like I'm dying
I sleep a lot
coz somehow it's one of my escape.
All of this could be a test of faith.
But what  if I can't hold firmly to it?

**
I'm getting weary again,
Can't push myself to the limit.
Feels like I'm just being lazy.
Can't find the goodness in me.
Sometimes it's hard to breath and live.
Feels like I'm drowning.
Am I forsaken?

II

Am I kind?Some say yes
but some are mistaking it.
I always feel that many hates me
but maybe it's only me
hating myself  the most.
I somehow thinks I'm the modern Judas.
I don't know...


REPEAT * AND **

III

Lord,You say You understand
exactly what I'm feelin'.
So You know so well that
I feel ashamed,feel forsaken
feel so low.It makes me blue.
I feel like nothing,feels like I'm always wrong.
And I feel like abandoned,
always subject of rejection
and rude discrimination.
You know well how weak I am.
They think I'm weird.
These making me tired.
Lord,let me find my rest in You.

Read More

I

Photo taken from internet.

I.


I wonder how you see me for the first time.
Maybe  you hate me then learn to like me
as day passes by.Why would I even care?

You're the kind that's easy to deal with.
While you might find me so hard to handle.
Complicated.Yes,maybe I'm  complicated.

*
I wonder if I truly know myself well
or I'm still a stranger of who really I am.

***
I wake up hopeful when the sun rises up.
But I lose hope as the sun sets down.
I write when I want to express.
I dream when I want to escape.
I cry when I don't know what to do.
I listen to music if I'm feeling blue.
I dance like crazy when I'm all alone.
I eat when I'm stressed.I walk when I'm mad.
I pray to speak my heart out to God
and to remind me of who I am.
This is me.Are we the same?
Or do you still find me weird?

II

I'm a small shy girl in a big unashamed world.
I'm a very ordinary girl in this runway like crowd.
I have no special talent.Don't even have the charm.
Wasn't born with a golden spoon in  my mouth.
I knew no sports at all.I'm always the jinx.
Now call me a dork.
I'm not funny neither bubbly.
My sense of humor is sometimes weird.

**
But if you see something special in me
that means you're special to me.
And I'll do everything to take care of you.

repeat ***

I lay on the floor when I'm confuse.
La la la la la la la la la la la la la
that's what I can only say when I don't know what to say.
You might get annoyed in my long silence.
You'll chase your breath 'coz I talk too fast.
Don't make me nervous 'coz it would speed up.
But I like who I am.My weaknesses & my strengths.
I may  not be like the other.
But I'm not afraid to walk away from the place
where I don't feel I belong.
La la la la la la la life is good.

Read More

You're the Light and Life

Photo taken from the internet.

I used to like myself
but then I wonder why
suddenly I don't like who I am.
I turned to be so shy.
Where my confidence have gone?
I might have lose it along the rocky road.
Somebody show me the light.

*
Is it enough to be good?
Is it enough to  be kind?
Maybe it's not for the crowd
but it's a lot for You,O,God.
I don't need to be Somebody else
so please Lord,renew my mind and my heart.
That's what I really need.
You're the only light that leads to true life.
Because You're the Light and Life

II

I hate why I easily cry.
Can't help to show I'm weak.
How many times I get so tired.
But never think of ending my life.
I just like to dream of paradise.
And run to the world of escape.
But ain't enough.Still I'm not satisfied.
Why won't You let me see You,Lord.
I wanna see You beside me.

III

I don't know if I'm pretending or just being true.
Whatever is blocking You to my heart
I surrender my free will to You.
You've the greatest power &  I don't have.
So You can defeat my stubborn heart.

**
Come upon me.Fill me with Your Love.
I'm tired of being paralyze.
Move me or You move my Lord.

**
I need You in my life.
Because this life comes from You.
You're more than what I don't have.
My heart  beats with You
so it will only find rest until I rest in You.
My Way.My Truth.And my Life.

Read More

Thank You for Holding On

Photo taken from the internet.

After being blind for a long time ago,
my sight is  getting clearer.Now I'm starting to see you.
You've been longing for me for a long time
but I'm acting such a fool.
You're the only One who truly understands my pains.
So grateful that you've been patient to me.

**
You know me so well that there's nothing I can hide from You.
You touch my heart so differently.
You're the air that I breathe,reason why I live.
Everything I need is You.
Thank You for holding on,my Lord.

II.
I love  how you remain so calm when I'm in commotion.
And how you save me from my troubles.
You never change even when I turned to be so complicated.
I was  dying for a long time  from feeling so all alone.
Feels like my soul is paralyzed.
But there You are,always by my side.
but I'm too worried to realize.It's You.
Only you can do all these things to me.

repeat **

III.
Merciful,Full of grace,Unchanging,Everlasting Lord.
Thank you for choosing me
and I'm sorry for the pains
I've put you through.
Let Your flesh be my bread.
and let me drink  Your cup of blood.
'coz it's only in union with You
that I become complete and find everlasting joy and peace.

Read More

Because of Him

Photo taken from the internet.

I.

Can't sleep at night.
Can't count the times
I cried until I fall asleep.
How many times I tried to count the stars.
But I always end up just staring at the sky
while my mind is busy talking to myself.

**
So many questions,I can't get the answers.
I used to be faithful in my dreams
but I'm starting to lose hope in reality.
I keep on walking but not sure where I'm going.

***
But I know Someone up there is looking at me.
He care so deeply that He's always beside me.
But I'm too blind to see.
My mind so busy and so as my heart
that I failed to listen carefully to His voice.
He's my redeemer.He's my prince.
Because of Him I'm a better me now.

II.

I don't understand myself
if I am being selfish or selfless.
No matter how I try
seems I never feel satisfied.
I don't know why I have to.
I tried to rest my mind
from not thinking too much
but I guess there's no easy way to do that.

Fears turn to worries
and worries turn to tears.
I died many years ago
until I was redeemed.
Now I'm learning to face my fears.

repeat**  and  ***

The used to be Ms. play it safe is now learning to take the risks.
All of this is because of Him.
The very reason why I'm still standing still.
All of this is because of Him.

Because of Him...

Read More