SORRY

Image taken from Google images.

If I die right now
will I go to heaven or my soul will be  burned to hell?
Will God still blessed me with grace?
Will He still show mercy on me
despite all the terrible sins I did?
I wonder how You feel and think about me Lord.

Are you tired of all my lies?
Tired of my weaknesses and nonsense tears?
Disappointed of what I'm thinking and saying?
Are You still listening when I say sorry?

All I always do is say "I'm sorry".
Tried to be good and pure now
but when pains and frustrations strike
I listen to your enemy again.
Tried to be true to myself
but ended up pretending
and realizing how bad I am.

Whenever I choose to disobey You
the desire is so eager.
But feeling guilty and sorry after.
Sorry for being like this.

I wonder why others are like saints but I am not.
People says I'm kind.
I'm trying  to be one 'coz I've been unkind before.
I'm not a tough girl.
I learned to be patient and be in silent
just not to get into trouble.
I'm losing patience chasing my dreams
What am I gonna do with my life?

They say that what matters is to put
my heart into prayers.
But how will I know that I'm sincere?
They say that I should start seeing myself the way you see me.
How?Tell me Lord, how?

I've been asking that in my prayers.
Maybe I just don't know how to listen.
How can I befriend Your Holy Spirit?
I feel so dumb and useless.
I'm sorry for hurting You.
How will I know You forgive me?
How long will I feel like this?
No matter how I try to just continue walking,
it's like a shadow that keeps on following me.
Seems like my only confidant now is my tears.